Monday afternoon. Love wife, love car.

Monday afternoon.

Love wife, love car. Finish work early. Lots to do. 

Check oil in car.

Surprise! Oil level  higher than before.

Has engine found new way of making oil out of thin air?

Thinks.

Patent invention, put oil companies out of business, Get rich quick.

Relax.

How can patent idea if don’t  understand it?

Back to Earth.

Maybe petrol pump diaphragm is leaking petrol into engine oil..

Much more likely.

Solution: Buy new diaphragm.

Action: Look for new diaphragm. I try several shops.

Reaction: They don’t make spare diaphragms anymore for $2. You have to buy whole pump for $100.

Down with motor manufacturers

Suspend tooth grinding. Drive to friend’s place.

Unbolt old pump from similar engine.

Getting late, but afternoon all planned out.

Daylight, will replace petrol pump.

Dark, will make new radio antenna. Then early bed. Love wife.

Car not so popular.

Get home, change into dirty clothes, reach for spanners. Not there.

In wife’s car. Oh well.

Change plans.

Make antenna first.

Reach for precision tape measure. Not there.

In wife’s car.

Wife not home yet. Wife and car both unpopular.

Oh well.

Get on with rust converting the trailer. Daylight precious.

Reach for squirt gun. It there. Good.

Vigorous pumping but no spray. Acid leaks all over hand.

Oh well.

Use paint brush. Mutter.

Wife arrives home on dark. Hooray. Wife popular. Get tools, remove pump, check diaphragm.

It OK!

How can that be?

Oh well.

Put replacement in anyway.

It late. I tired. But antenna must go up. I reach for tape measure in wife’s car. It not there. She say “Look in drawer.”

Have looked in drawer ten times already but look anyway. It there.

Wife unpopular again.

Make up antenna. When ready to hoist it late.

I need wife to hold fishing rod while I shoot line and arrow over trees.

Idea is to tie line to rope, haul rope over tree and hoist antenna into position.

Wife covertly hostile. Wants to go to bed.

“Silly idea fooling around this late.”

I not popular.

I shoot. Line snaps. Arrow disappears into suburbia together with fishhook, line, and sinker. Probably nails neighbour’s cat.

Wife overtly hostile. Disappears to bed muttering.

I get ladder. It clanks loudly. Neighbour comes out to fight burglar.

“Only me” I say.

“You brave” Neighbour says.

I wonder why. Think of spiders, snakes, push leaves out of face, shiver.

“Tree not strong enough for YOUR weight.” He says.

Agree.

But darkness reduces sense of height.

Increases bravery.

Hoist antenna. Don’t fall out of tree.

Neighbour retires disappointed.

Fall into bed.
Love wife.

Wife still hostile.

She say “Not tonight dear, diaphragm leaks.”

I develop headache. Confused.

Wonder if new diaphragm can be bought separately or must whole unit be changed.

Roger Wooller

1982